I just threw up on my dentist
this beer tastes like vomit already
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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