So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Randomize
