my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
