I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
