he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
