My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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