NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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