I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
