Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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