yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
