dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
