Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
