I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
