Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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