the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My ATM looks so different sober.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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