i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
