I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
