I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
