Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
