he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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