for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
