Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
