I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
did i just pee glitter
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
