Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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