my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
