the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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