There was a lot of him and a little penis
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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