I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
