I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
