I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
