is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
