Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
