I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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