i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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