I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
