we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
