Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
