Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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