I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
