I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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