perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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