oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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