meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
