Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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