he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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