The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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