I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
