Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
