At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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