He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
