I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
