...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
