Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just threw up on my dentist
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
