And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
