Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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