I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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