i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she looked like the before picture.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
