Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
